angelblack3 asks:If you and Stiffler are in a monogamous relationship and are [presumably] free of STDs or at least ones that are harmful, how come you both use protection during hanky panky?
We regularly use condoms during sex, but we don’t use things like dental dams, finger condoms or any other form of protective covering/protection during sex, which would be important if we had any communicable diseases we didn’t want to contract from each other — and are important for anyone participating in sex to be aware of and use diligently if they aren’t “fluid bonded” like we are.
To the crux of the issue, we personally use condoms for several reasons:
- It’s easier to switch up orifices. We might like getting our cock (strap-on) sucked, but we don’t like ass-to-mouth. It’s also healthier for vaginal penetration if we’re using the same toy for anal to simply take off the (used) condom and apply a clean one. They work for fingers in much the same way, too and you don’t have to worry about bacteria trapped under nails after a round.
- Toys can’t be implicitly trusted! You can read about fake toys in this lovely article here, which is sadly a very pervasive problem in the sex-toy industry and there’s no way to tell with 100% certainty (other than buying directly from smaller companies) that the toy you’re buying isn’t a knock off. And some toys are made with porous materials that can lock in bacteria. And some toys are made of materials that could be hazardous to delicate skin or cause allergic reactions. It’s simply safer and more practical to use a condom with every toy we have, whether or not it’s penetrative.*
- Added lubrication or sensations. Most condoms come with added lube on the inside and outside, making any sex (penetrative or not) more enjoyable. You can also buy ones with fun things like cooling mint, ribs and dots, flavors, warming sensations, etc., etc., that vary up sex.
- Condoms are sexy. A lot of people don’t think so, because in most of media condoms are never shown and if they are, it’s usually a joke or to be absolutely eye-rolled at. In our bedroom, we have a pretty box dedicated to condoms with a little faux-gem handle on top. When we see that glamorous box sitting on the bedside table, we know that not just 69ing is about to happen, but the Full Monty of some kind will be going down. Putting the condom on is amazingly sexy, from the in-mouth technique to simply sliding it on a toy slowly or quickly before the toy is used. It’s a sexy way to not only initiate sex, but also to communicate in our relationship what type of sex we’re going to have and a type of mental foreplay that’s very satisfying. And it’s always sexy when you care about your partner’s health and well-being.
- Communication is sexy. Speaking of communication, simply buying condoms (whether interesting flavors/shapes/etc. or not) helps us initiate a conversation about our sexual preferences and desires. Why those particular condoms, what we’d like to do with them, things we haven’t enjoyed about previous types, things we highly enjoy about past sex acts, etc. It helps us stay abreast (ha) of our current sexual preferences and desires in an easy, fun way that can also spark new ideas to experiment with.
- Roleplay is sexy. I’ve mentioned it before, but my spouse and I like to roleplay and sometimes that means roleplaying during sex. Having condoms handy means that some of the roleplaying is even more realistic and by that benefit, even naughtier than imagined.
- It helps with BDSM. We also practice a lot of (safe, consensual) BDSM — condoms are yet another way for us to be either assertive or passive in sex. By having the other person put on the condom, especially while they’re restrained in some way, it’s a form of the dom/sub/switch relationship we’ve built with each other to be exercised in a very sexual manner.
These are, at least, the main reason we use condoms. We love them, they’re safer and sexier than going without and we know our sex life is happy and full of randy times because we buy them frequently. Condoms are just another way for us to stay connected to each other in all aspects of our sex-life. <3
*Of course, we always clean our toys/restraints/sheets/hands/bodies thoroughly after sex and boil the toys we can every week, but it doesn’t hurt to take extra precautions when it comes to your sexual health and well-being.